Can't Find My Way

by Dalila

This week I have had two dreams in which I couldn't find my way to a destination. In both dreams the surroundings were places I don't know in real life.

In the first dream I was with my boyfriend, and we tried and tried to find our way to our destination, but we couldn't make it there.

Then I dreamt I was asked to teach a college course in business to MBA students at a college I was unfamiliar with and I couldn't find my way to the classroom.

In my real life, I taught at college for many years (not business courses). During this time my son was very young. I was constantly late for my classes because of my dual responsibilities. I was always assigned classes that began at 9:05, although my son's day care opened at 9:00 across town. I felt constant anxiety about it and the feeling that no one understood how difficult it was for me to maintain all these aspects of my life at once. I often felt very unprepared for my lectures. I was overwhelmed, trying to make everything work.

Back to the second dream - I was asked to teach a course in a field I am entirely unfamiliar with, in a college I was unfamiliar with, in a town I was unfamiliar with. I was carrying a huge load of files - materials and lecture notes for the class. I tried and tried to find my way to the classroom but couldn't find it.

During the dream I felt very anxious...it would get very close to the time the class was meant to begin and still I did not know where I was. Then the time would somehow start over and I would get another chance to get there on time. I asked for help from many people. One person knew a secret path there and I think it got me to within reach - to where I could see the classroom, but then I was late and the time started over again.

These dreams feel unrelated to my current job in real life. I think they're more about my romantic relationship. I've been dating someone for just a few months and we are still learning about each other. We get along very well, our kids are the same age and get along, it all works. I like him very, very much and am very happy when we have time together. I am fairly sure he feels the same about me. But he is VERY busy with work, especially recently. And when he gets busy with work he doesn't communicate with me very well... in fact he will go days without replying to my emails or phone calls at all. When we see each other again it is clear that his silence has had nothing to do with his feelings for me, but is just how he is, and a function of his being busy. He has asked me for patience and support - it's difficult for him. And I try. But I feel almost constant anxiety about it.

I believe my dream is attempting to give me a message about my direction or attitude with him. I woke up crying, feeling very lost, scared and sad. I think a theme that runs through these dreams, my former work situation, and this aspect of my current relationship, is a feeling of powerlessness.

Thanks for listening!
Dalila